What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 05:15
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My boyfriend won’t tell me his past and it hurts me so I broke up with him what do I do?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Who then, do I blame.?
She was in good health!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She found it foreign!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We all went to grammer schools
What is your craziest college sex story?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I don,t even have a pension.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Would this be the day?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
When she asked me how she looked .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why hasn't Japan legalized same-sex marriage?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
This is soul school!.
What did i know ?
But it wasn’t much.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What factors contributed to The Beatles' bitterness?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What type of sex do women prefer, oral, anal, or vaginal?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why didn't my ex fight for our relationship? He gave up so easily.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
How do you recognize when your mental health might need attention?
I write beautiful poetry .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was very sick at this time too.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I couldn’t, believe it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Comes on , in middle age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I think the readers, may guess!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So whats the point in blame.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But, we were locked up after school.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I have no regrets .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
So, i spoilt her more .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I will be 64.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was seconnd youngest,
She loved him until the end.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He knew the spot.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was 9 years of age.
I said to her
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Put me off passion for life!!
All the time i was locked up.
I waited trembling.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She married twice! .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Was to survive, this bastard.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was scared of men, in general
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One cannot live in the past .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Ive learnt so much.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im still living with it.
We were not on the streets..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She wouldn,t have been !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And i lived it daily.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My life is so biszare .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It was going to be , some day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i do to all so called friends.?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!